Goodbye, Papaw

My grandpa, Bill McDannold -- or "Papaw" as I always called him -- passed away on November 23rd. Papaw was an amazing man. He was a pilot in WWII who flew 35 (!!) bombing missions over France, Germany, Belgium and Holland. Whenever I stop to think about that, it seems truly incredible that he ever made it back home. His first child, my Uncle Bill, was born during the war while Papaw was flying over the Atlantic Ocean. Mamaw (my grandma) and Papaw later had 5 more children and I have always loved being a part of their large family. I remember so many wonderful holidays with their house packed full of people -- all of my aunts, uncles and cousins. Papaw is survived by 2 sons, 4 daughters, 13 grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren.

Wasn't he a handsome young man?

This Certificate of Honor lists Papaw's WWII bombing attacks. I remember how real this became to me after my Eurobrass tour through Germany in 2010 when our ensemble performed in a few cities that had been heavily bombed during the war. While we didn't visit any of the cities on the list, I still thought of Papaw and found myself wondering what that had been like for him. Like many veterans, he very rarely talked about his experiences. I wish he could have told me more.

After the war, Papaw had a long career with the Missouri Conservation Department. I think this black and white photograph of him working in his office is stunning.

Mamaw & Papaw

I remember this kitchen so vividly. Papaw once said that he considered me to be his 7th child. Since my parents were young and juggling college and work (and football!) when they had me, I spent quite a bit of time at Mamaw and Papaw's when I was little.

I have so many sweet memories of Papaw. He would let me stay up late and we'd eat huge bowls of popcorn while watching TV. Bethany and I used to catch fireflies out in the yard on hot summer nights and then we'd pile in the car for a trip to Dairy Queen. Papaw always ordered a Buster Bar and I'd get a cherry StarKiss. There were a few special summers when Papaw woke me up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the middle of the night and we'd drag his scratchy lawn chairs out by the garden to watch a meteor shower together. Papaw had a knack for gardening. I remember the way his sunflowers towered over me. I remember picking fresh tomatoes and eating them straight from the garden -- delicious salt and peppered slices still warm from the sun. I remember how Papaw used to lean in close to my face and tickle my cheeks with his scratchy whiskers. 

Papaw showing his goofy side, Christmas 1988.

We went to several air shows as a family and I learned about some of the planes Papaw had flown. Years ago, Robert and I took a trip to Washington DC close to the time the WWII memorial was completed. I wish Papaw could have seen that memorial.

In Hannibal, Missouri in 1989.

With my sister and cousins at Mamaw & Papaw's 50th Wedding Anniversary.

Mamaw & Papaw were always supportive of my musical pursuits. They attended many of my concerts and bought my first French horn when I started college. 

At my high school graduation.

I love this one.

Papaw made the trip to Wichita for my bachelor's degree graduation, too.

I always had a hard time visiting Papaw in the nursing home. It just didn't seem right that he lived there by himself. And then he made our goodbyes even more difficult by insisting on walking us down to the front doors. We'd pull away in the car, waving goodbye, and I'd cry and cry. It broke my heart every time.

Papaw was a big Missouri Tigers fan and he almost always had on his Mizzou hat. My aunt told me that after he passed they kept the hat with him. I wish I could have been by his side during his last moments. I am thankful for his long, full life of 96 years and I'm grateful that he passed so peacefully.

My mom and dad took Papaw an Ohio State Commencement program when I graduated with my doctorate. One of our Columbus friends made "Dr. Z" hats and it was a big honor that Papaw took off his beloved Mizzou hat to put on mine!

Here's Abby's first appearance with her great-grandpa! Every time I was in town I made sure to visit. Papaw had dementia and during the last few years he stopped recognizing me. His mind just seemed to...fade. He spent most of the time during our visits talking about his mom and dad and places from his childhood. Those earliest memories seemed to be deeply rooted.

My last trip to Kansas City was in July 2013. We met Papaw for lunch at Panera so that he could meet Abby. I love the way she is checking him out in this picture.

My mom and dad made it to Papaw's room just after he had passed. As they took his body out of the room, the hospice workers broke into song -- "It Is Well with My Soul." I think that was such a beautiful thing to do.

Papaw, I miss you so much already! Thank you for being such a wonderful grandpa to me. Thank you for encouraging me, supporting me and loving me -- always. Thank you for filling my heart with so many wonderful memories. I look forward to telling Abby stories about her amazing great-grandpa. 

I love you.